An Experience shared by FRANCISCO (@CNehdum) on X. I’ve been married to my wife for over 12 years. We’ve always had a strong bond, like best friends, and have faced a lot together, including raising our three kids. A bit of background: my wife experienced severe trauma in her past, having been sxually abused by her stepdad. About seven years ago, she started therapy to address this, and during those sessions, she opened up more about her experiences. She also shared that she’s struggled with an addiction to prnography from a very young age. Her therapist explained that this was how she coped with the abuse. Over the past five years, she has been working hard to overcome this addiction. Once she stopped watching porn, she turned to erotic literature. About a year ago, she told me it was consuming her and asked me to set up parental controls on her phone. She said it made her feel ashamed and sent her into depressive spirals. While I didn’t enforce this, I tried to support her because I knew how much it affected her mental health. Two years ago, we attended counseling together because she said she wanted more from our life. I’m a pretty routine person, and I’ve been working on being more spontaneous. However, this issue of mismatched needs keeps coming up. She feels like she has a higher drive than me, though I think it’s more about her wanting variety. Now to the recent events. Last week, I was renewing our dental insurance through her email when I saw some shocking emails. I didn’t want to confront her outright, especially since she’s been in a depressive slump, but I decided to gently bring it up. While on a walk, I asked how she was doing with her struggles and if they might be affecting her mood. She was resistant to talk, so I didn’t push. A few days later, I realized something else was going on. While I was waiting for a break in work meetings, she went upstairs. When I followed her, I found her listening to something explicit. It upset me because I felt disrespected. We argued, and when I asked if there was more I should know, she denied it. However, when I asked to see her phone, she started deleting things. It turned out she had subscribed to male creators on Patreon who were making explicit content. She said she felt her needs weren’t being met in our relationship and admitted she’d been uncomfortable being intimate with me for months but didn’t know why. The next day, while she was out, I logged into her TikTok account. Her profile was discreet, and she was only following strangers. In the messages, I found conversations where she had reached out to several men to sex. One message from February, while she was on a girls' trip, said, “I would have used a hookup app, but that seems like too much effort, so I’m trying to find someone here in the same mood as me.” I confronted her about this when she asked if I had logged into her TikTok (she received a notification). She shut down completely but eventually let me look through her phone. I didn’t find anything else, though I suspect she might have deleted things. She became defensive, saying our intimacy issues were partly my fault because she hasn’t felt satisfied. Now, I’m struggling to process everything. To me, messaging and engaging with real people crosses the line into cheating. Her previous struggles with porn felt more like her personal battle, but this feels different. How do I trust her again? How do we move forward from this?